I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
