She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
