Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
