nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize