watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
