are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
