I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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