U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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