i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
