you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
