nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
