I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
