If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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