then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
