Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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