why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
