i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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