Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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