Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
