I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you inspire me to be a worse person
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
