Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
