he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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