Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
