All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
