i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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