I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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