Already got asked if we're dating
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
