can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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