On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
