a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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