If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
