You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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