It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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