i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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