jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
