I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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