I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
