Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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