a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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