Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
