I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
