your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I accidentally had phone sex last night
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
