I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
