I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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