Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
