you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
