Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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