By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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