ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
