Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
