the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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