just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
