I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
