I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
