Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
