also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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