when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
