Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
