I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When are your genitals available?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
