I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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