Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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