if i can run in heels then i can drive
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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