guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
