it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
