Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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