AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
