That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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