piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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