You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
