you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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