I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My liver just had a heart attack.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
