the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
