No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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