i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
