Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
