I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
