last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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