This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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