I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
