I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
