Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My balls are so social today.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
