How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
