I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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