Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
