If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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