ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
