You're my little dorito
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize