i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
