Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
then he tried to convert me to islam
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
