Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize